I am always surprised by the sadness that sometimes overwhelms me in regards to Matthew. It happened tonight because I was looking at his baby book for some pictures that I wanted to scan to get onto my computer for a project I am working on. I opened the book and a wave of sadness mowed me over and took my breath away. It was surprising to me because I talk about Matthew often (without shedding a tear most times) to just about anyone who will listen. I even show his book (with every picture I ever took of him, even the pictures that are hard to look at) to people and most often they cry and I apologies for making them cry only occasionally crying myself anymore. But tonight I miss him so much. My heart aches for him and I am profoundly sad. Tomorrow will be another day, I will have put one foot in front of the other and moved on... until the next time when I am surprised
I love this picture of us together. He is only 1 month old but he is smiling at me.
6 comments:
I love the picture of him smiling at you too. He knew from day 1 that you're a great Mom.
Beautiful picture of the two of you looking at each other... the connection is clear.
Having met you and Terri and finding out your struggles from losing a child , I am grateful to know that you put my life's challenges in perspective every time I think of what you to have to deal with. I also see a very strong family unit that never takes one day for granted. Thanks for the daily perspective and thanks for your friendship!
I wish I could be there to give you a big hug.
I have to add one more thing that actually might make you laugh. I love the pic of you and Matthew looking at each other, but don't you wish the oval templates to cut out pics would of been banned! I love looking at my baby book and seeing all the octagon, heart, star shape pictures I had to cut out. So sad!!!!! At least they make me laugh now!
What a beautiful picture! I am compelled to say, that I know that a mother's love, and that connection are forever..... eternal. I do not think you will ever feel differently, and that is hard, but at the same time, a sweet sorrow too. He's still near. I know it's just me, but I believe he knows of your love and that his spirit continues to soar, healthy and well. Some things we just can't snuff out, you know. He was a beautiful little boy, wasn't he?
My mother passed away three years ago last week. I still feel that ache from time to time. It comes in big waves...sometimes with a tear, and sometimes just with a heavy sorry. I still want to call her and to touch her sweet face. She was so precious. Now I'm all teary. I'd better go and scrub something. Or, I could allow myself a moment to just remember.....
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